Swear I'm not Paul: Coolness: Ireland vs USA

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Thursday, November 6, 2008

Coolness: Ireland vs USA

Today's Metro declared that due to the election of Barack Obama, America is now cool again. But wasn't it always cool? Well, at least compared to Ireland anyway. Unlike the Metro, I'm going to back up my statement with fact, and also without needless advertising everywhere. Well, it's not needless, just that no-one would willingly pay to be advertised on here! This is a simple case of some versus matches featuring the best of cool from both nations.

Medical Drama
House M.D. vs The Clinic
Anyone who watches the continuing adventures of Doctor Gregory House will argue that it's the best thing on TV. The cast are brilliant, the humour is both pithy and funny, and each episode serves up its own treats. Plus, some of us are able to diagnose ourselves a whole lot better after watching it. It's never Lupus! The Clinic however, is Ireland's version of ER. The acting is well-and-truly Irish, as are the patient problems. It deals with people's relationships rather than diseases. Whereas House may have someone with a pole stuck through them, The Clinic will have someone with a strange unseen itch.
Result: The Clinic has Keith Duffy and Brian O'Driscoll popping in now and then. Two of Ireland's most handsome men House M.D. had to hire a Brit to do its lead role. The Americans couldn't even get one of their own. 1-0 Ireland.

Rock Stars
Bruce Springsteen vs. Bono
Both make great music. Well, Bruce's is far greater than U2's, but that's just my opinion. Everyone knows that Bruce is the pinnacle of cool. He's the Boss for a reason you know. Bono on the other hand may be the most uncool man in the world with his "fly" shades, as seen on the Pope. He even makes Bob Geldof cringe.
Result: No contest. My dad is even cooler than Bono. 1-1

JFK vs. Michael Collins
I chose political films here, because I couldn't think of much else that would compare. Woody Allen films versus Neil Jordan? Not really a contest. But ones about two of our biggest political leaders, yeah that should work. Both are filled with mis-fact, so that's not an issue.
Result: I think JFK is the cooler film because it's Oliver-bloody-Stone, and is a classic piece of courtroom drama. Up there with 12 Angry Men. The best bit in our own offering is a tank driving into Croke Park. Amusing, but not cool. 2-1 America

Sketch Shows
Saturday Night Live vs. Gift Grub
SNL has been back in the headlines a lot recently, with the re-emergence of Tina Fey. Fey's take on Alaskan pitbull Sarah Palin was priceless, but in recent years there hasn't been much good about the show. Not since Will Ferrell played Alex Trebeck and Christopher Walken demanded "more cowbell" has it been essential viewing. And now the US election is over, Sarah will go back into the woods, and Tina back to film-making. Former Glenroe actor Mario Rosenstock, on the other hand, seems to be getting better and better, and even has a segment on Setanta Sports. Even with this, Gift Grub is essential listening and never seems to get stale.
Result: Super Mario to the rescue to tie it up for Ireland. 2-2

Sudden Death:
Barack Obama vs. Brian Cowen
Today's Irish Times called Obama a "Biffo": Big Intelligent Foreigner from Offaly. Quite clever, although he's as Irish as I am Kenyan I'd say. Everyone is always Irish, at least we claim them. But his coolness points can't transfer over to us. He's not all that Irish. Where's the red hair? Brian Cowen doesn't have the red hair. But he makes up for it with his red face, and his red economy.
Result: Obama is considered cool by everyone except the red states, and even 45% of them think he's cool. The Chinese even are fans of his! Cowen on the other hand is popular among a few Fianna Fail backbenchers and that's about it. Members of his own party even have left him. Bertie was a bit cool, but Brian isn't even cool with retired people.
3-2 America

So you were right Metro, until now it wasn't cool. But with Obama at the helm, things have changed. Welcome back cool America. All we need now is our own George Bush to be dethroned.


B said...

You clearly have some nerve arguing The Clinic is better than House MD.

Never got Gift Grub but SNL is amazingly sh!t, even made good people terrible; Chris Rock, Bill Murray, Ben Stiller, eh... etc

Ronan said...

That's a joke B, as you well know. The Clinic is one of the better offerings of RTE, but far from cool.